Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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