I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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