My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dicks are not precious.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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