is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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