I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
