I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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