Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
