Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
