Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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