Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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