Kiss
Puke
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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