Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
