Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to have your abortion
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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