Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
