Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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