this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
