I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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