I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
