Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
