I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
