I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
