I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
