Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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