What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
pray to the hookup gods
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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