I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
