seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
