pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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