My hand turned me down
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize