Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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