She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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