We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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