and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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