if you like me you must not know who I am
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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