I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
