the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
