If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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