I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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