i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize