just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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