love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
