That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
