Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
