I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
