ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
