I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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