There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
