TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize