Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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