Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
