last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
where am i from again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
