i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
