I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
