I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
