Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
