His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
