I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
