It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
