Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
