last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
