Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
