a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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