I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
