someone threw a dead crab at me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
