Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize