I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
