Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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