Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
