Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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