He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
