Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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