brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
