Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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