his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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