So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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