And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
