So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
