Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize