You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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