If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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