The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
