Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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