So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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