Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
