I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
