I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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