There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
