Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I want a musical about memes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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