I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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