I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
