I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
