went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
