is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
