Just cropdusted the office
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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