you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
