wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
