pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize