i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize