Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Randomize