You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
