when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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