May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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