ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
