I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
