his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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