hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
