Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
