A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize