piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
