If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
