I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
