I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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