It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
