Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
